Beth Orsoff: Are you romantically challenged?

QUIZ: Are You A Romantically Challenged Lawyer? | Are You Romantically Challenged?

First published in the June 2006 issue of California Lawyer

You’re at a party, bar, book store, police station, restaurant, gym, court house, Whole Foods, coffee place, dry cleaners, car wash, dog park, impound lot, or your shrink’s waiting room, and you strike up a conversation with an attractive person. Inevitably, you’re asked the dreaded question: “What do you do?”

You consider lying. You imagine all the interesting things you could’ve done with your life if only you hadn’t decided to go to law school. You wonder for the millionth time how you could’ve possibly fallen for that “there’s lots of things you can do with a law degree” line. Eventually you shrug and answer “I’m a lawyer.”

Typically, this admission is greeted by one of three responses: (a) “Not another lawyer!”; (b) “Really, my ____ is a lawyer, do you know ____ ?”; or (c) a broad smile where you can just see the person calculating how much money you make in his or her head. No wonder lawyers have so much trouble finding true love.

The world is filled with romantically challenged lawyers. Answer the following ten questions to find out if you’re one of them.

1. You unlock the front door after another long day at the office and you hear "How was your day, dear?" You respond with?

	"Why do you need to know?"
	"That's not important. How was your day darling?"
	"Has it only been one day?"
	"When did the plant learn to talk?"

2. Where are you most likely to be found on a Sunday afternoon?

	In the office working. Where else would you be?
	In the office pretending to be working, but really surfing the net on the firm's T-1 line.
	Shopping for a new outfit so the next time you're lucky enough to get a date, you won't have to wear a suit.
	Out on the golf course schmoozing a potential client.

3. Your firm has just hired a cute new lawyer (hereinafter "Lawyer L"). You're thinking?

	I'd sleep with Lawyer L.
	I wonder if Lawyer L's single.
	Great, maybe I can dump some of my work on Lawyer L.
	I can't believe they hired Lawyer L! The last thing I need is more competition.

4. The firm moves Lawyer L into the office next to yours. You?

	Bring Lawyer L a Grande Starbucks Mocha Latte and offer to introduce Lawyer L to the rest of the office.
	Noncommittally suggest to Lawyer L that maybe the two of you can grab a coffee some time.
	Wait until Lawyer L leaves for lunch, then sneak into Lawyer L's office and drop your new assignment on Lawyer L's chair.
	Hang out in the hallway until you see a senior partner, then shake your head in mock disbelief and shout to no one in particular that you can't believe Lawyer L is going out to lunch when you haven't even had a day off in the last year.

5. After a few weeks of harmless hallway chit chat, Lawyer L noncommittally suggests that the two of you have lunch together some time. You respond with?

	A polite no thank you. You haven't eaten lunch anywhere other than your desk in the last four years.
	An equally noncommittal yes.
	You tell Lawyer L that's a great idea, then pull out your Treo and start suggesting dates.
	You snarkily reply that while its obvious Lawyer L isn't interested in making partner, you still are.

6. For the first time in six months you leave the office before 8 p.m. and you decide to go out to a nearby bar to celebrate. Of course, who's blocking your access to the bartender but Lawyer L. You?

	Tap Lawyer L on the shoulder and say "fancy meeting you here."
	Squeeze inappropriately close to Lawyer L and offer to buy the next round.
	Fork over a twenty and ask Lawyer L to flag down the bartender and order you a martini.
	Pull out your cell phone and snap a picture of Lawyer L swigging down a drink.

7. It's the night of the firm Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa Party and after a few too many cocktails, you and Lawyer L just happen to stumble out to your respective BMW's at exactly the same time. Lawyer L asks if you have plans for the holidays. You answer?

	"You mean other than working?"
	"Yes, and you?"
	"I'll be out of town, but I'm bringing my laptop with me and plan on working every day."
	"That depends. What did you have in mind?"

8. Despite your schedule, Lawyer L's schedule, and your and Lawyer L's mutual acknowledgement that dating a colleague is probably a bad idea, you and Lawyer L do finally manage to go out on a date. At the end of the night you?

	Kiss Lawyer L passionately before saying goodnight.
	Suggest you go back to your place for a nightcap, then promptly fall asleep on the couch.
	Tell Lawyer L it's been fun and you'll talk Monday.
	Convince Lawyer L that you should keep the date just between the two of you, before promptly blabbing every detail of the evening to all of your colleagues, adding a few embellishments of your own.

9. To both your and Lawyer L's surprise, three months later the two of you are not only still dating, but the relationship is going strong. Then as luck would have it, the Supreme Court issues a new ruling on workplace sexual harassment, which causes a panic among the firm's senior partners (all of whom are married), resulting in their enacting a prohibition on intra-firm dating. You?

	Immediately set up a meeting with the senior partners where you distinguish your relationship with Lawyer L from the facts in the Supreme Court case, then argue that the no-dating policy should therefore not apply to your relationship or, in the alternative, since your relationship pre-dates the new workplace policy, it should be grandfathered in.
	Tell Lawyer L you care about Lawyer L too much to allow Lawyer L to jeopardize his or her career over you. Besides, there's a cute new lawyer at the firm three floors above that you've been dying to go out with.
	Take it as a sign from God that you weren't meant to have a relationship.
	Break up with Lawyer L in an e-mail so if you're ever questioned, you have evidence that you didn't violate firm policy.

10. One year later three Supreme Court Justices retire and the new Court reverses the previous Court's decision. Your firm responds by rescinding the prohibition on intra-firm dating both because one of the senior partners is now divorced and wants to start dating his secretary, and because no one really followed it anyway. Soon thereafter you overhear the latest firm gossip that Lawyer L is once again unattached. You?

	Do nothing. After billing 3000 hours last year you barely have enough energy to make it to work in the morning let alone engage in a relationship.
	Tell Lawyer L no hard feelings and suggest the two of you pick up where you left off.
	Send Lawyer L a bottle of French champagne with a note telling Lawyer L how much you've missed him or her.
	Pretend that the last year never happened and noncommittally suggest to Lawyer L that the two of you should go out again some time.

Your Score:

The Answers

36-40 Points means:
You're a player masquerading as a lawyer. If you haven't already left the practice of law for a life in politics, consider doing so. This is your true calling.

26-35 Points means:
Yes, your suspicions are correct. You are a romantically challenged lawyer. Since you can't change the lawyer part (you'll always be a former lawyer even if you're not a current one), consider stocking your library with self-help books, romantic movies, and mood music. Maybe some of it will rub off on you.

16-25 Points means:
You may or may not be romantically challenged, but you're definitely an overworked lawyer desperately in need of a vacation. Put this quiz down and book a trip to a relaxing destination. Now, before it's too late! No, not tomorrow. No, not next week. No, not after you finish that summary judgment motion. Now!

10-15 Points means:
You're an ultra-competitive associate at a large law firm. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but unless you have some type of life altering experience, there's no hope for you.

If you like your answer, congratulations! You are now armed with self-knowledge. If you don’t like your answer, don’t fret. Take the quiz again, but this time answer differently. If you still don’t like your result, then keep re-taking it until you get the result you want.

If you're a Romantically Challenged Lawyer check out this site:

www.lawyersinlove.com
The online dating site for legal professionals